Five words same letter going through alphabet
Alice always asks about Appy
Billy Bunter bought beef burgers
China can cause climate change
Dee's dog does dance daily
Essex entrepreneur eats every eel
Freddie fished for five flounders
Gambian giraffe gorges guavas greedily
Harry has Harold Hill House
Imperial India is ignorantly inept
June jolly Jenny just jogs
Keith knocks knees knackering ken
Let's lock Leeds lavatories loudly
many men munch murray mints
Noblemen never nick nasty nobodies
Octopuses ovulate over old oompa-loopas ;D
Posh people play piano poorly
Queens quest queue quickly quietly
Rudolph runs riot ravaging roofs
Santa sits shining shady sunglasses
Tacky tinsel tops the tree
Ugly umberellas undermine useless urbanites
Vile Victorian villagers vilify Vernon
Wafting willy wore wet wellies
Xenophobia Xavier xrays xrated xylophones
Yes Yuletide Yankies yawned yesterday
Zany Zimbabwean zebras zoom zoologists
Well done Jon, what do we do now ?
Start again at A?
Alan always ate almond apples
Big boobs bounce breaking bra
Corny Can cracked crepes cream
Dee decides Dave doesn't deliver
Edgy Eamon eats Easter eggs
Farmer Fred farms fifty fields
Gambian gorilla gorges grapes geedily
Horny hens hatch heavy hoops
Indonesian iguana indulges in ice-pops
jack joins Jill jerking June
Kelso kick keepers ketchup knife
Lampy Lillian licks luscious Lucy
Careless Can cracks coffee cup
Should have been M young Dave. Have another go ;D
Was on wrong page
Might munch my melted mars
Naughty Nicola needs nookie nightly
Over Oslo Ollie opened Oreos
Percy pecker picks pippy poo
Quasimodo quietly quaffs quality quails
Ronnie reads rather rude riddles
Behave :-*
Steve shares some salmon sandwiches
The tastiest Tottenham tottie thinks
Ugly umbrella's usually unravel upwards
Vivacious Vera viewed vegetarians virtuous
Wanda's weird wayout Wednesdays weeping
Xenon xerox xray xenophobic xylophones
Yesterday young Yolande yanked you
Zany Zulu zaps zombie zealot
What do you do here please
Kenny knows killjoys kill knowledge
Silly Scotsman soils special sporran
Quote from: djfgringo on December 29, 2013, 09:28:39 AM
What do you do here please
DJF you post 5 words all starting with the same letter to make silly sense
Ronnie rides rabid radical ranchero's
Ronnie's rolling rambling rattling rebuffs. :P
Dotty Dave's Daft daily dalliances
Comic Can's chancy cosmetic changes
Bumbling Bobs bashful blithering bloopers
Ronnie runs recycling railway racket
Kitties kiwi kilt kinks klearly
Bob badly blocks Bradford bogs
Jon jinks jiggling jaggels jewels
Deelightful deelicious demur describes Dee
Randy, raucous, righteous, rampant Ronnie
Eager Essex eel eating entrepreneurs
Lucious London Ladies Lick Lollipops
Dreary Dublin days delight Dave
Zaggy Zaney Zebedee zips zebras
Yucky yellow yoghurt yesterday yummy
Fuddy Freddy franked for fitzers
Silly snakes slither silently slowly
I think we need to change this, I suggest 5 words each beginning with a consecutive letter.
First will be a b c d e
Next will be b c d e f
Next will be c d e f g and so in.
I'll start
A boy can dig elderberries
freds golden holiday incentive
Bob can drive executive ferries
Can Dips Eggs Feverishly, Gulp
Dave enjoys finding good hotels
Everybody finds good homes internally
Finally gets his interesting job
Graham hits it jointly knitting
Hedonism is just kinky lust
Icing Judy's kinky legs move
jons kinky longjohns make noise
Krazy Loons munch nuts outdoors
Leeds men need other pursuits
Manchester need outrageous penalties quickly
Northampton outcasts pour quix rapidly
Onions pong quite revolting steve
Police queues right slowly today
Quick rabbits sprint towards utopia
Ronnie stands tall under viaduct
spurs take up Viagra weekly
tongue utters vitriolic words xenophobic
Underdogs vicious when X-rayed yesterday
Vivian was Xavier yet Zimbabwean
Wendy's Xmas You zipped away
Xante yes zulus adore beaches
Young zoologist attacks baby crocodile
Zebra appears behind craggy ditch
Are Bradford City doing enough
Bright chaps dread earning fairly
Can daily eats full grill
Dave's eels finally get home
Easy flirts get horny inside
Fuerte goats have indegestion joyfully
Generous hairy idiots jump Kitty
Harry is joyfully kissing lizards
Isobelle jacked Kiefer late Monday
Jagged knives leave marks nasty
Kitty loses malteesers nearly often
little Manchester nearly overcome plymouth
Master Neville operated pneumatics quietly
naughty oliver peed quite rapidly
Old pervs queued raiding stations
Pathetic quads rocked shockingly tonight
Queers run slowly towards umbrellas
Rioting students tie up virgins
Somebody told us Villa won
Tottenham uphold verdict without xception ::)
Unknown virgin wants Xavier yesterday
via Watford xylophone youngsters zoomed
Wasters xited your zoo annualy
xante's young zoologist arrived behind
Your zebra's anus blew charmingly
zedzed annoys big Can Daily
Abby blew Charlies dick easily
Bradford causes disrupted early flights
Charlie drove easily from Guinness
Duck escapes from Guernsey hospital
Eating fast gives her indigestion
Fat Gertie has ink jets
Girls have interesting jobs knitting
Helen injected Jane kindly lately
Indians just kill lambs monthly
Jackie kisses lips malignly now
Kangaroos love munching naughty otters
last month nobody offered praise
mainly normans organise parties regularly
Nichola opens packet quickly raiding
Old people queuing require seats
Players quiz referee's stupid timekeeping
Quick Ron satisfies the uglies
Rocky sand tickled umpteen virgins
steve tried underneath very well
Terribly undercooked veal was yuk
Using the Jon alphabet I will also ignore the letter X
Upminster victory with young zealots
Was hoping you wouldn't notice ;D ;D
Victoria withstands young zebra attacking
Wendy Xavier yielded Zantos ably
Xmas yule zooms across Bradford
Your zimmer always beats cycles
Zephyrs always blow cyclones daily
At Bristol city Derby easily failed
Bradford City defeat Everton fantasticaly
Carly dipped Eddys finger home
deadly elephants frightened gorilla horribly
Essex famous girls have intelligence
flaming grills have inedible joints
girls holidaying in Jandia kick-up
horrible injuries just knobble Leicester
Inside jail Kirk learns manners
Jenny kicked Liam making news
Kissing little men nauseates Olivia
Loving my night of passion
mice nibble on parmesan quickly
north offers peaceful quiet rest
Other peoples quintessential rugby squad
Players question referees selling tablets
Quality retirement, south the utopia
Rubbish stupid talk unlike Wadey
Stewarts Took Up Veronicas Waders
I'll red card myself for a schoolboy error. See you in 24 :(
Red card's only for the thread I think Jon
Trudy usurped Vera Wang xtra
Under Vera Wang Xavier yelled
Two on trot. Take a red ;D
Very weird xylophone yesterday zapped
I posted 2 cause no one else was posting, hardly a red offence :(
OK then ;D ;D what about 5 words thread ;D ;D. Carry on :-* :-*
When Xavier yelled zapp anyway
Xrays you zap always buzz
How about going in reverse sequence
Zealous Yorkshiremen xenophobic with Vietnamese
Yuletide Xmas without vicars unusually
Xantham waits victorious under table
walter verifies unicorns take steroids
Vegetarians usually taste some rabbit
Under the stairs ran Quentin
Try something radical quite promptly
Señor Roy queued peacefully outside
Rovers quickly practiced offside needs
Quentin Performed On Naughty Maureen
Plenty of nasty men leer
obvously nobody mentioned leaking kegs
nice Mandy loves kissing Jon
Mick licked Kitty's jewel intimately
L k j I h
Like kicking Jon in hollyhocks
Kitty jumped in here gagging
joiners invade homes grabbing files
I hear girls fault everything
hope gives fitting ending due
Gerry felt every dimple Cathy
finally erotic Dee conceded beautifully
Exotic Darlene can bounce away
Dee converses beautifully and zestfully
Can bonked and zoomed yesterday
Bulls and Zebras yelped xcitedly
Andy zonked yelling Xavier where
Zulu yelled xmas whilst vaulting
Yvonne xcelled while vegetating underground
Xavier was very underestimated typically
when viewing use tinted spectacles
Visionaries undo the stupid rules
Using the supplied rubbers quickly
Tottenham supporters rantings quelled peacefully
Sleeping quietly puts off nightmares
Quickly pour out norma's martini
Post Office never mangle letters
Only newbies milk leeches kindly
No-0ne minds lovely Kat jogging
My last kebab just indigestion
let kangaroo's just invent hurdles
Kat jogs in hot gear
Jenny insists her gears fixed
in Hereford get fantastic eels
having good food enhances diets
graceful fantastic enchanting Dee cherish
Footballers enjoy dating cracking birds
Essex Dee charming beautiful amorous
Dee's Colchester boasts a Zoo
Charley beat Andy Zane yesterday
Be aware Zimbabweans yearn xylophones
Another Zulu yelled Xmas wishes
Zoe yelled Xcited where vainly
yesterday Xavier was visiting Una
Xenophobic Welshman visit Uruguay tutting
waiters visiting upon tables serve
Vauxhalls usually try selling rubbish
Upset the Southerners really quickly
The south rears quality people
surprised rabbit quickly peeps out
Reading quietly puts off nobody
Quaint pictures often nice mementos
pulling out never means litigation
Our nana missed little jokes
Don't the have a K in the Irish alphabet Can?
Naughty mistress likes kinky jumps
Missing letter K just irritates
Lacy knickers jerk imagination handsomely
Knotted jumpers imply horrible garments
jumpers impress hugging girls figures
Impossible holidays going further everyday
Heavenly gorgeous fancying erotic Dee
greasy fellow ensues Dee comprehensively
Fran eats dates chewing blues
Ensure dirty Can behaves after
Dee certainly brings amorous zest
Clumsy boys always zigzag yelling
Big African zebra yells Xanadu
Crafty bright angels zipped you
Daft Cockenees buy a zebra
Easy Dave catches birds anyway
Fantastic erotic Dee charms bulls
glamorous female Essex delights conquer
Horny gals from Essex dossing
Incredibly hungry giant feeds enormously
Junky idiots have great feelings
Killing jokes Irishmen have given
Like kissing Jon in here
most little kangaroos jump indefinitely
No muddy little kites jacked
one never mentions lovely Kat
Postpone our next meeting later
Quick party outdoors never matures
Ronnie's quiz pi$$ed off nobody
Surly Russian questioned police officer
Totally smashed Ron quizzes prostitute
Unlikely teen squeezed right quota
very ugly termite showed respect
Will Verity undo the sham
Xmas was very underestimated today
You Xerox'd wifes vitals undressed
Zumba Yorkshire X-rated wild Virgins
Angry Zulu yanks xylophone willingly
Bertie asked Zebadee yesterday Xavier
Can behaves atrociously zapping you
Driving cars badly assures zilch
Erotic Dee causes Bradfordians adoration
Starting something new on here. Steves sayings thread of the old Dross was good, so here goes
Raining Cats and dogs
Fit as a fiddle
flat as a pancake
Like a dog with two dicks
colder than a monkeys chuff
Thick as two short planks
smells worse than a camels under carriage
A bird in the hand
It costs me an arm and a leg
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
do bears....
Im hank marvin
Will you still respect me in the morning?
did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven
my cheque is in the post
you look like a bulldog chewing a wasp
you're aving a larf
wind your neck in
Cheats never beat
you have a face like a smacked ar*e
You have made a pigs ear of that
To hell and back
About as useful as a chocolate fire guard
no smoke without fire
Couldn't organise a pi** up in a brewery
strong as an ox
Tight as cramp
thin as a rake
I'm that hungry I could eat a horse
im as full as a corky ball
Full as a gun
bald as a coot
As cold as the mother in laws t**
Its all gone Pete tong
eyes like a hawk
talk to the hand because the face aint listening
whatever
Quote from: Ronnie The Bull on March 28, 2014, 13:36:15 PM
whatever
lol thats my pet hate if anybody says that to me >:( >:(
me too ;D
Pick a window because you are going to be going through one
by you and who's army
Like a rat up a drainpipe
Scratch my nuts
In church or chapel let it rattle
Anyone for a coffee
we are like ships in the night
He needs a good kick in the ar$e
Slippery as an eel
Sick as a pig
Butterfly's in my stomach
A nice sloppy kebab
Don't look at me in that tone of voice
Do ye want chips with that
Sore finger
Go on outa that
game of two halves
How do you like your eggs in the morning ?
give us a clue
Any chance of a ride and a rasher ?
an elephant never forgets
do you insult all people in general or do we have to form a queue
flat as a kippers dick
Quote from: Ronnie The Bull on April 02, 2014, 12:03:51 PM
flat as a kippers dick
:o ;D ;D that has made me laugh so much
have you not heard that before ;D ;D
no, but i will be using it ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
The next time someone asks if you have a sec tell them, "actually, I have lots of secs." and they will forget what they wanted to ask!
LOL i'll remember that ;D
I meant to behave but there was to many other options
as bright as a button
Sorry I can't today, My sister's friends mothers grandpas grandsons uncles fish died and yes it was tragic
men are like snow storms, you never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he will last
If you have something stupid to say....... please raise your hand ...and put it firmly over your mouth!!!
got a banging headache
Can i borrow a kiss, I promise i'll give it you back :-*
drunk as a skunk
the chilli went through me like a porsche
too hot to trot
I'm spitting feathers
give it a rest
Is that it ?, thanks for the tip !
Dog eat dog
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
sick as a pig
Never test how deep the water is with both feet
I'm dying for a pint
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read
High as a kite
Like a manky dog
Crocodile tears
Beef to the heels like a Mullingar Heifer
Sick as a parrot
Sure japers we haven't seen you in donkey's years
Deaf as a post
As tight as a hens ear
Drunk as a skunk
Thick as pig sh*t
Flat as a pancake
running round like a headless chicken
up the duff
Bun in the oven :o
fit to drop
an rear bottie like the flag of Japan
out for a duck
Its your round
short arms deep pockets
A big boy told me to do it
i'll tell mi dad
of course I will still respect you in the morning
How do you like your eggs in the morning
is it in
Let me know when you've finished
go get a tissue
Lie back and thing of England
trust me im a doctor
Just a small prick it won't hurt
had more pricks than a dart board
The town bike
the village idiot
The mutants are out in force today
May the force be with you
Don't live for tomorrow live for today because you never know what's around the corner
Am bored to tears
could sleep on a washing line
Shut ya mouth there's a train coming
No way you have 2 kids no bloke would go there twice
Game of two halves
Sleep with your two feet in one sock
He dived Ref
Drunk as a skunk
You used to look your age; now, you don't even look your species
She's known as the camp bicycle
If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all
There's no bread Fred
Let's get ready to rumble
Any ideas what we can do on here Dave. What about ressurecting the poem?
Didn't have you down as a poet ;D.
Oh yes our poem was brilliant ;D
Did it rhyme? ;D
All of the time ;D
Start one then, your in charge :-*
But you're the one who's seen the barge
The one I saw was very large
Was it the one with the dish of marg
Was one that smelt like fromage
Yes it used to be kept in the old garage
Because stunk like a camels undercarriage
Which we didn't want at Helens marriage
Because then we dont know how she'd manage
You can change the rhyme at any time
Only if Jon buys H a lager and lime
He will when the wedding bells chime
That is happening one Friday lunchtime
If the weather is fine
No doubt H will be on the wine
And unable to walk in a straight line
Resulting in a hangover in the morning time
This thread has totally lost me
Trying to make it rhyme lol
Quote from: Graham. on May 12, 2014, 20:23:29 PM
This thread has totally lost me
But soon the light will flicker and Graham will see
That its just a bit of banter that may make him want to pee
Except that his lad reaches his knee
And needs to stand on tippy toes just so can see
Over the rocks an into the sea
To watch the sunset together for free
As Danny gets down on blended knee
So Helen runs away and hides up a tree
Where she looks down in wide eyed glee
At the small diamond he pinched from Dee
Right out of her belly button ring
Which gave Helen an idea to get pierced her thing
Where she won't divulge what holds her bling
If she ever showed Can would make him sing
Just like a blackbird does on the wing
Then he'd be king
For just one Day because of all the drossing
he'd have no zing
So had to stand up and get of his ring
and put on his best bling
To get ready for his evening flirt
his lime green shirt
That matches Kenny's skirt
which is covered in dirt
From his bbq'd breasts
that burnt his vests
That prevented him from going in Helens nest
now that would be a test
For her to see if he is the best
or just a bloomin pest
For trying to persuade her to caress his chest
and start a love fest
In her brand new TV bed
I think that's enough said
Because will make Dave get a bad head
as well as it been sunburnt red
If we don't listen to what he said
he'll tell his brother fred
Who ended up in bed
with his other brother ted
where she gave lots of head :o :o :o :o :-*
And so they wed
On a sunny beach in the Med
Where he lost his street cred
and we need a new word for this thread
OK what shall it be
Not sure but do you want to be put over my knee
but you don't know the difference between dinner and tea
Up in the north we have tea so let it be
He's just a stubborn. Cockeneeeee
excuse me but only trying to educate thee
so is my princess Dee
who never got up in the night for a wee
cos she didn't drink much tea
But was quite parcial to a wine or three
then sat upon Ronnies knee
which made her pee
Which smelt like ripe brie
which made his legs go all wonky
and was hung like a donkey
So he listened to some honky tonky
then started dancing like a monkey
Which was really funky
But really made him look like a junkie
Even though he was hunky
with a pierced winky ;D ;D
performed by a chinky
decorated with a ring that looked rather slinky
but made it rather stinky
Cos it was dinky
so he went for enlargement
nice one Dave, whats your game
picking on Can for keep changing his name
he pretends he's hard but he's tame
So he wants Helen to become the dark lady to get some fame
but don't trust the Irish because they are lame
even though she fell for the Irish accent yet again
but then Bob accosted her onto a train
Where the driver was very vain
The heavens opened and down fell the rain
All across the window pane
That Jon had washed with windowlene
And Can finally went insane
With helen to the dark side of pain
With not an ounce of sense in there brain
But Helen doesn't care if Ron thinks she's not game
but sees her as a challenge to tame
then she'll rise to local fame
if she doesnt keep getting the blame
and got seduced by Kenny of BBQ fame
who wears a skirt like a dame
and looks like Shirley McClain
who's gone down the drain
To find IT the clown
is for what he's renowned
and so we all frowned
whilst waiting for H to be crowned
We didn't make a sound
but she is sure to astound
The dark man on the rebound
Who paid his pound
to attack her mound
With a bowl of hot wax
to paper over the cracks
With Jon putting his ass out for smacks
Something that Can lacks
But the irish always have the knack
Off enjoying the craic
now he is speedy but once was black
so he performed in the sack
Then proceeded to rub Helens back
then gave her a smack
And plenty of flak
but she got her own back
By feeding him a very spicy snack
which gave him a runs attack
And he soiled his best mac
In a Leeds bound train out back
where he kept his mouldy snack
and enticed her into his shack
so she could then wax his crack
and in pain shout out o fack
hahahahahahahah ;D ;D ;D ;D
to which she replied by giving him a slap
as she sat on his lap
and took a cat nap
And felt a rise of his sap
before his mishap
like the washers has broken on the tap
so along came the man in the flat cap
and my name is Can and I talk a load of carp
and now he's pretending to be dark
but we see him pretending to be a lark
When really he's a shark
who flashes the ladies in the park
and then he hears his princess cry out in the dark, Hark, Hark,
there is a dirty old crow which is leaving its mark
on the flat capped pearly kings head
so he shot it and stuffed it and coated it in bread
To eat and eat with the jellied eels that were dead
when his belly was full he retired to bed
Huffed and puffed and farted Right Said Fred
but the air was so bad that the missus went red
Took an air freshener and said
if you don't start to behave I'll slap your bald head
To which Bob said, just you try
to go on holiday twice a month - Hi De Hi
To the volcanic island in the sea where the water is icy
But where Helen stays is always pricey
And where Jon hangs out is rather dicey
And the food is really spicy
In the dark hole of Calcutta
So he has a slice of toast and butter
cos he's a complete nutter
when he lost on a flutter
As he slipped of the ladder while cleaning his gutter
and fell on his head which made him stutter
And started to scream but came out as a mutter
so he went to the bay and got on a cutter
And waved about his new ping putter
then we heard him utter
all those obscenities at that complete Nutter
Who'd finished up in the gutter
absolutely covered in best butter
So he went for a shower
In the ladies shower rooms where they all screamed 'Show Her' !
then fell about laughing as he had no staying power
but lets not be sour
And not get too dour
As good old Dave can save the hour
By getting his neighbour a lovely flower
To try calm her passion screams at the midnight hour
because if this fails it may go sour
And left him feeling rather dour
because he had to cower
When he really should send for Super Jon with the super nuts
Who's driving is good but not his putts
Because he spends his time watching the lady golfers butts
and the other members give him tutts
As he tries to deny his fetish for kabutts
But Lisa tells him no if,s or butts
You behave Jon or I will kick your nuts
Or crush them under some very large trucks
and for you there will be no more sweets
Not even some little tweets
when she caught him flashing in the street
Which gave everyone a lovely treat
although it turned their stomachs so they could not eat
And puked up their guts in the street
But he is one of the elite
and the person everyone wants to meet
Despite the heavy pong emanating from his feet
when he trod in some Irish peat
That had been impregnated with honey suckle sweet
That grew near the old seat
On the village green
Which was all nice and preen
But seldom seen
Until Along came a young Mr Bean
when he gave it a clean
With his mate Barry Sheen
Who fell over as he took to a wall to lean
And ruptured his spleen
which splattered all over the windscreen
Which wasn't a pretty scene
With blood spattered all over his green
As he sang 'come on Eileen'
which was released when he was a teen
But felt like he was a has been
wasting his money in the condom machine
when Heidi wasn't very keen
because Can's post are obscene
But his fingers are green
so its time to change the setting on this scene
before Can turns it obscene
Into a pretty sticky situation on a north bound train
When it sticks to your pants it sure is a pain
But young Dave will make a claim
well wouldn't you do the same
Yes, but its a shame
but I need someone to blame
But the excuse is lame
but he said the first thought that came
Was call Richard Branson and name and shame
Whose networks, planes and trains are all rubbish the same
Quote
As the great northern railway of the 1920's eara
As Jack Duckworth said to Vera
Come on our Vera time for a pint in the rovers beera
And after a couple it all becomes clearer
As they fall out the door getting nearer and nearer
Then along came Alan Sherarer
who kicked the ball but couldn't score any nearer.
when he tried to rear her
He ended up in a barrel of beer
Which made him feel slightly oddly unusual (in my mind)
Quote from: Ronnie The Bull on July 01, 2014, 10:12:33 AM
Which made him feel slightly oddly unusual (in my mind)
Been modified ;D ;D
Which made him feel slightly kweer
and it made him shed a tear
Until all became clear
there was no way that she would accommodate his gear
at this time of year
although it may appear
that he may adhere
to supply him in beer
at the end of the pier
at Weston Super Mare
where he can freely bare
his nether regions in the fresh air
And give the German's a scare
So lady Godiva can ride around bare on her mare
and Can's snake makes everyone stare
even the snake gave a glare
As the snake stiffened while it squashed a pear
But would Can dare
to wave it around in the air
for all to share
and abandons all care
Ask he caught the mongoose in the snare
Then skinned and prepared it medium rare
As a larges feast for all the drossers to share
All went well until the grizzly bear
got hold of Can and pulled of his hair
Who's hair is very rare
Because of its silky silvery nature care
Just like the old mare
Who looks through her wardrobe for something to wear
And for something to put in her hair
to temp him back into her lair
Where she will dump him with little or no care
and empty his bank account to his despair
But will she find anything their
Wrong spelling of there - tut tut
with a balance of zero on the statement she did stare
just testing ;D
then she began to glare
Then gave an almighty kick in his pair
Of globes covered in hair
which hurt when he sat on the chair :(
which was old through wear and tear
and had many major repair
So we all did despair
Decided to change the plot
Cos time we haven't got
And Bob has lost the plot
Is plot the in word ;D
So off he did trot
Another senior moment
To see his friend Kenny the Scot
Who's a bit of a swot
but has a nasty spot
that resembles a typical Gentleman Tot
Who gets very hot
chasing a fly he tries to swot
with a stick made of hard boogied snot
And stuck like an old shallot
to see if it could rise or it could not
So tried some coffee which was too hot
So just had a Sambuca tot
which really reached the spot
So he jumped on his yacht
and sailed through some grot
Feeling such a clot
so he took the whole lot
and gave it all he'd got
and received plenty of praise
when he found the maze
just below her stays
As she spread them open in complete amaze
then Can did something to earn some praise
he played his pipes, oh happy days
it put off his hen so she never lays
so he fell into a drunken haze
and let his sheep out for a graze
where they created a maze
where Can plays kiss chase
and gets slapped in the face
instead of being sprayed in the face with mace
which would be a disgrace
In this time or place
he'll join the race
and disappear without trace
in to outer space
to boldly go where no man has gone before
Think Can's finally flipped ;D
But he is normally very tripped
when he goes to the beach and then gets stripped
Getting sunburnt bits when he skinny dipped
Before he got whipped
And his wings clipped
and his sweetmeats nipped
Until he nearly gipped
On his mistresses nips
Which were like cherry pips
That tasted like chips
As he caressed her lips
As she circled her hips
And got out her whips
and scarred his back
After giving him a wack
on the jolly old sack
which neally broke his back
and brought on a panic attack
in his love shack
Where he got all the flack
and lost track
Trying to empty his sack :D
which had gone black
because hes always on his jack
and he works as a hack
in his dirty old mac
Because he just wanted a good old snack. :D
as part of the rat pack
Before painfully trapping his tally wack
in the old car jack
then the gas company started to frack
and came under attack
From a kilted Scottish bloke showing his crack. :o
And gave him a whack
with last years almanac
right at the back
As he waxed his back sack and crack
He showed a total lack
Of manliness on his back
So he rolled in the haystack
And a pitch fork pierced his crack
because he upset Can over his babe
And never took his eyes from her gabe
Just like good old Dave
Because Kenny has always been his fave
When he went to a rave
And stroked through Helen's long dark waves
And other bits that she shaves
That glows when she misbehaves
but he doesn't offer the bit that she craves
As he rides his board across the waves
and stops off later for tea at Dave's
And eats pink juicy steak what he craves
Then back to the kitchen where he works and slaves
Whilst the dark man digs up graves
that is so odd it is almost depraved
Cos its souls he saved
then the way was paved
For all souls knaved
Which was engraved
by a very feisty Manc maid
who he under paid
And her welcome outstayed
so she hit him with a spade
That her garderner had left in the shade
To protect its sharp blade
That he always wants to parade
and his mankini that he wears in the shade
with his tan that was sprayed
which was fizzy like lemonade
But he made the grade
But then got sick of the charade
So he began to parade
Stark naked round Manchester with the brigade
so they ran into Piccadilly Station
and tripped over an essex girl selling avon
who's name was really Yvonne
But all the Manc ladies really fancy Ron
but that's not his real name we know the he's Jon
who is really Cans secret son
who passed on his looks and sense of fun
So they posed nude for the front page of the Sun
and when I saw it I reached for my gun
as we didn't want to look at his hairy bum
and the ugly tattoo on his big fat tum
that could do with toning up by going for a run
With you two numpties, pardon the pun
which made him fly off for a week in the sun
Where he'd frollick and have some fun
with a naked german that eats too many buns
And kisses too many nuns
who like tickling his oversized plums ;D ;D
And sucking with toothless gums
after drinking too many Bacardi rums
Down in the Ipswich slums
That don't exist to the surprise to some
So walk around feeling glum
and acting really dumb
Until hunger you succumb
So you suck your thumb
Which causes wind that isn't fun
Under the Fuerteventura sun
Causing an odour that makes you run
To see H's stomach containing bun
Which is making her feel like had to many rums
and her feet have got big and the boobies e-bah-gum
Along with an ever expanding bloated tum
and not mention her big fat ..... purse
Well changed or she may have cursed. ;D
I'm not silly a smack in the ear often hurts
That could be mistaken for being a flirt
Dave's learnt his tricks from his uncle Bert
who knows how to be cheeky but not get hurt
but then spies Can unbuttoning his shirt
Cos he thinks he is macho and starts to flirt
So all his desires he did blurt
Then her husband comes back so he puts on a spurt
And you don't see him for dirt
Because he doesn't like little squirts
but he likes young ladies whose bottoms are pert
And if anybody touches she can get quite curt
but we know old Can the extrovert
Has gone for good leaving H all alone making her feel she may need to divert
but with Can in town she needs to be alert
cos he'll stalk her,thats a cert
But he's my best friend who i miss and it hurts
Even if he was rude and curt
when him noisy bagpipes begin to blurt
Our eardrums begin to hurt
so we rush to the bar and want to get drunk
But H is on one and will be blunt
I am not falling for that stunt
As she won't tolerate rubbish from a stupid ....
So she plays cupid
Trying to fix up Kenny which is stupid
so she gives up the fight
and disappears overnight
On a very windy flight
Because Bob's on board, I know that I am right
And he's drunk after to many pints
bought for him, cos hes tight
but don't upset him he'll start a fight
Where he will scratch and bite
Like a mutt just might
When it reaches full height
poke you in the eye out of spite
Giving you a terrible fright
and turn a ghostly white
you look a deathly sight
so he lit a fire using anthracite
and blew away the parasite
But the feisty manc couldn't give a shi**
because they haven't the class of an Essexite
But bet would win in a boxing fight
like two fighting cats might
Carp in the garden at night
before she gets on another flight
and locks him out of the room in spite
cos the cat might bite
But purr a little it just might
Only to find the fits too tight
It must always fit or it doesn't feel right
Cause with out any weight it's just to light
And it will soar like a kite
and catch fire overnight
To give Can a good fright
That would be a delight
But Yorkshire men are mean
(Had to change the word lol)
So Bradford city supports hide and cannot be seen
because they create a scene
when eaten a lot of beans
and the windows need a clean
So go out naked pretending to be Mr Bean
Which is a very bad dream
where you are walking down the high street naked eating ice cream
And say to the local TOTTY, that is nice and clean :o
But the fruit machine is mean
And everything is not as it is seen
but certain areas are buffed up with a nice sheen
and Can turns up with his bagpipes to intervene
And kissed the girls ever since the age of thirteen
When some ran away because made them scream
Ant it was really the over 65's women's cricket team
With certain women in who have never been lean
And slagged off by an overgrown teen
With dirty minds that have never been clean
Not bad for an old has been
That likes to go watching a useless team
Who play down in cheam
With little people that smell like bream
Or is this all a dream
then you wake up in a panic
And feel really manic
having won a trip on the Titanic
And fed by (http://image2.findagrave.com/photoThumbnails/photos/2007/353/20794327_119818384015.jpg) Cradock
on a large filleted haddock
On a B&Q next to a horses paddock
Cooked by Kenny the fat jock
Who has ears like Dr Spock
And one green and one yellow sock
Drinking his cheapest hock
Where he's chained up and locked
And randomly mocked
and tickled till he balked
and the crowd flocked
Seeing him dance naked they were shocked
But they soon mocked
when he got crocked
Just as the ship docked
where he went to get frocked
but the room was locked
so gave it a hard knock
that shook the hands on the clock
And awoke the mad jock
so he threw a big rock
And repaired the ballcock
On the faulty ballast tank
Which smelt really rank
Like after Bobs been to Leeds, it stank
for which he received a thank
and took it to the bank
And after his ham shank
so the potion he drank
And carried on like a skank
Until he sank
to the bottom of the tank
And got chased by Can
Eating a plate of all bran
With the rest of his clan
Who arrived in a stolen van
where he hit on a gran
Who came from Iran
with a cunning plan
Involving a man with a van
with a medallion and sun tan
So he didn't look wan
and upset his fan
when he began
To play his pipes
Everyone gripes
And try to escape on their bikes
and go wherever they like
Even with Bob on a hike
and jon on a kids trike
When he falls in the dyke
which he didnt like
because it messed up his barnet
so he looked like Alf Garnett
on his head is painted a target
And try a new rhyming word
But it's very difficult darn it
You must try Dave
then we will all give a wave
and we'll all crave
kennys bbq if he behaves
Which we don't think he will
Because taken a blue pill
then slapped it on the grill
So we paid his bill
With a tenner from the till
To get drunk that made him ill
So we called the old bill
to call him down from the window sill
And rolled him down the hill
and get him working at the mill
Until he's had his fill
so he went out to drill
for oil in Brazil
where he set up a still
And is sharing with the old bill
When he started to feel
And opened a sliced pan to eat the heel
Of a very green jellied eel
Then pared an apple to skim the peel
to accompany roasted teal
That tasted like rancid veal
That made him seriously ill
Until he took his pill
to make him chill
until
he went over the hill
like Jack and Jill
When she gave Can's bagpipes a feel
it made him squeal
And his ale he did spill
down her top with the frill
And tried to dry until
Out of her bra did spill
and gave all the boys a thrill
But caused her to get a chill
So against her will
He dropped her a pill
At the top of the hill
But made her ill
So she told the old bill
to handcuff him when he stands still
Without release until
The vulture came and pecked him with its bill
Until it had had its fill
of marsh mallows and sill
Did he took his little blue pill
to keep his heart ticking or to see if she 'Will'
become just run of the mill
and she gave a look that could kill
So he ran up the hill
So he could help Jill
Escape the clutches of an old man
whose name was Can
Who drives a white van
with his false spray tan
and tries to pull an old gran
Who's fed on all bran
and was the biggest fan
of old Japan
with a weakness for marzipan
Like the rest of his clan
Who leave their rooms spick and span
and become his no.1 fan
so arranged a strip-a-gram
and after a wee dram
then wheeled home in a pram
where he ate smoked ham
covered in raspberry jam
And slices of battered spam
while humming the music of Wham
Trying his best to look glam
with his handkerchief with monogram
Which in his mouth he did cram
with a giant garlic clam
Who's shell it did slam
when he tried to wham bam
And thank you mam
I off to Vietnam
To visit auntie Pam
On an island to which he swam
from his big white Catamaran
Searching for the missing Celtic man
Who was locked in his caravan
with his big rubber erasing all that he can
Except for his false tan
And swings through the trees like Tarzan
Chewing on a leg of lamb
Driving a Ford from Dagenham
to his mums in vietnam
and rides on a pre war tram
or meets a kiss o gram
who is really pretty and glam
As she nibbled on a clam
washed down with 5 pints
of adnams best beer
fortunately for Jon the loos were near
Which made him loudly cheer
and to his eye it brought a tear
And made him feel rather oddly unusual (in my mind)
and then on the wall he did a doodle
I didn't write that, I put kweer ;D
So he. Had a pot noodle
And fillet of poodle
Until he got in a muddle
and asked Dee for a cuddle
at his Christmas fuddle
But end up getting sud all
cos hes very small
smaller than a titleist golf ball
on the top of a high wall
By the Royal Albert hall
where they are having a ball
at Tubby's jellied eel stall
where Cockeneeees like to call
and through Petticoat Lane they will trawl
often getting into a brawl
and get chained to the wall
And winning absolute sod all
And can't even beat Blackpool
Which is just a cesspool
and to visit there you have to be a ghoul
And sit on a bar stool
chatting to the barmaid and playing the fool
Which wasn't trendy or cool
he was about as smooth as a mule
That's a bit cruel
because Jon got his best lines from Peter O'toole
which he uses every year at Yule
but he never fails to pull
the fat girl from Hull
who tucked into a local sea gull
That they had tried to cull
Then the storm after the lull
Frightened the old nasty bull
Who's name was Ron or was it Jon
but he was soon gone
all the way down to London
to see the greatest con
but the jellied eels are great, come on
but northerners don't eat none
because they do nothing for fun
Like eating a Chelsea bun
Or garlic prawns in the sun
behaving like Attila the hun
By driving his car and doing a ton
before for speeding he got done
with the sneaky copper with his speed gun
he had him on the run
while the cop was eating a bun
then when he was done
that's going to be 6 points my old son
He was acting like Attila the Hun
Quote from: RonnieTheBull on November 28, 2014, 12:26:41 PM
behaving like Attila the hun
and the echo has already begun ;D
Its mi age mi old son ;D
but your not too old to enjoy some fun
Relaxing in the currant bun
And tells a tale that is spun
To anyone and everyone