He He

[fatherted]

A smile a day for you all

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout.
Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stout?
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came
round I was f*****g skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."
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Wife says to husband "you only ever want sex when you're drunk".
Husband says "that's not true .. sometimes I want a kebab"
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A man approaches a young woman in a shop.
He says "I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few
minutes?"
The woman says "Sure, but do you have any idea where your wife is?"
"Not a clue," he says, "but whenever I talk to a woman
with tits like yours, she appears out of nowhere!"
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The Japanese government have thanked Britain for the
rescue dogs they sent out to help with the nuclear disaster
They said they were delicious!
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My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate
for a "roger". It was only when I had my trousers round my
ankles and my male bird out, that I realised she wanted to rent
her spare room out!!
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A farmer gets a phone call from his son.
"I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive."
"Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it."
About 20mins later he gets another call..."
"Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"
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David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more
difficult to claim benefits.
From next week the forms will only be printed in English.
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Sky news report.
The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
They sent in three ships - two full of sand and one full of cement
It was a mortar attack.
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A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried
about the size of her on her wedding night so she decided
to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence.
After an hour in bed with her he said "How far across the field
were you before you realised it was caught?"