Computer Tech Support Help Desk

[Can the Man]

From The HELP Desk


Tech  Support:  What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A  white one.
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Customer: Hi,  this is Celine.  I can't get my DVD  out !!!
Tech  Support:  Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes,  I'm sure it's really stuck.
Tech Support:  That  doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No,  wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet.  It's still on my desk . .  .. sorry.  Thank you.
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Tech  Support:  Click on the 'MY COMPUTER' icon on the
left of the  screen.
Customer: Your  left or my left?
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Tech Support:  Hello.   How may I help you?
Male  Customer:  Hi  .. . . I can't print.
Tech Support:  Would  you click on 'START' for me and .. ..
Customer:  Listen  pal; don't start getting technical on me.  I'm not Bill  Gates!!!
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Customer: Good  afternoon, this is Martha.  I  can't print.  Every time I try, it says . . . 'CAN'T FIND  PRINTER'.  I even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the  monitor, but the computer still says it can't find  it!!!
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Customer: I  have problems printing in red.
Tech  Support:  Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah  . . . . . .. . . . . thank you.
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Tech Support:  What's  on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A  teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for  me at the 7-11  store.
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Customer: My  keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support:  Are  you sure your keyboard is plugged into the  computer?
Customer: No.   I can't get behind the computer.
Tech Support:  Pick  up your keyboard and take ten steps backwards.
Customer: Okay..
Tech Support:  Did  the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support:  That  means the keyboard is not plugged
in.  Is there another  keyboard?
Customer: Yes,  there's another one here.  Wait a moment please. . .. . . . .   Ah, that one does work.  Thanks.
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Tech  Support:  Your password is the small letter 'a' as in
apple, a capital letter 'V'  as in Victor, and the number '7'.
Customer: Is  that '7' in capital letters?
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Customer: I can't get  on the Internet.
Tech  Support:  Are you absolutely sure you used the correct  password?
Customer: Yes, I'm  sure  I saw my co-worker do  it.
Tech Support:  Can  you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five  dots.
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Tech  Support:  What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape
Tech  Support: That's  not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh,  sorry . . . Internet  Explorer.
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Customer: I  have a huge problem! My friend has placed a screen saver on my computer .  . .. but, every time  I move my mouse, it disappears.
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Tech Support:  How  may I help you?
Customer: I'm  writing my first email.
Tech Support:  OK,  and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well,  I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle  around it.
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A woman  customer called the Canon help desk because she had a problem with her  printer.
Tech Support: Are  you running it under windows?
Customer:  No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The man  sitting next to me is by a window, and his printer is working  fine!
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And  last, but not least ... . .

Tech Support:  Okay  Bob, press the control and escape keys at the same  time. That  brings up a task list in the middle of the  screen. Now,  type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program  Manager.
Customer:  I  don't have a 'P'.
Tech Support:  On  your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:  What  do you mean ?
Tech Support:  'P' . . . on your keyboard,  Bob.
Customer:  I  AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!