Those bl**dy Reclining Seats and Kids (a light hearted review)

[KWC]

After reading many times on here about reclining seats, I felt fortunate enough, not to have had any issues with anyone in front.

UNTIL last week that is.  You may recall I flew with Monarch Airlines and whether it was an older plane or not, It was the first time I can recall reclining seats on any of my flights for many years.

But on the fateful Saturday when flying out from Manchester, I had a women and two small children sat in front of me. As soon as we leveled off, I started to read my paper. So far so good, leg room was better than previous carriers I thought and could get comfortable enough.  But then it happened!!

The women in front, pressed that dreaded button and her seat back came hurtling towards me at a great rate of knots, and it was a good job I didn't have a bottle of wine etc on my table as it would have went over me. So here I was with a part crumbled up newspaper, and my wife and grand kids laughing at my predicament.  There was no looking behind to see where any coffee or wine would have landed on me, or words of "oops sorry I hope thats ok etc".

So I looked for a smaller magazine that I could partially open in order to while the next 4 hours away instead of looking at the top of her chair that was all of 8" (200mm) away from my head.   When the cabin lady came round asking of I wanted anything, I said yep, some screws and a screw driver so I can screw that backseat upright.
She said she had sympathy, but there was nothing they could do. Which I knew was coming!!

After what seemed like an eternity, but was possibly only 1/2 hour, the youngest kid that was sitting next to her, decided I was looking too comfortable still, even after mummy had tried to decapitate me, and proceeded to cry and cry, all at the top of its lovely little lungs.  It either had a safety pin stuck through its groin or had premature toothache of the worst possible kind.   So mummy puts her book down and lifts the screaming machine and proceeds to lift it to her shoulder, which meant that not only did I hear the nice little kid screaming for all its worth, I could now synchronize the wailing with facial movements, as it was looking straight at me now.

I looked over at my supportive family and they were just about doubled up with laughter, much to my non amusement!!

So even Mummy gets fed up with this lovely little turd screaming for its life, that she give Junior to hubby who swaps seats with Mummy in order to pacify the now demented kid, that is starting to go 50 shades of blue, and mummy settled down to read her book, but not after releasing her new seat recliner button from hell onto my wife face.  Suddenly the smile disappeared from her face pretty rapidly.

So after approx another hour, the medication I guess the father slipped down its throat during one of the many times it showed it tonsils, kicked in and it suddenly stopped screaming and looked at me and started smiling at me. As if to say did you enjoy that big man.

I prayed every night before I went to bed during my weeks stay that they would be over for a fortnight, and thus wouldn't be on my plane and as it turned out, they never showed up on our plane coming home, or at least I didn't hear them.

Got me thinking that perhaps airline should carry screws/screwdriver and a wooden mallet. 

[woe10]

I blame MacDonalds "Happy Meals" 

[HelenR]

That's brilliant lol  I do apologise for laughing at your misery though 

[lionfish]

I have complained to Monarch about these reclining seats and I know many others have too. The positive side is that most of their new aircraft have a new style of fixed seat - similar to, but not identical to the new Easyjet seats. These fixed-back seats have thinner seat backs and consequently give more legroom - a definite improvement in my book, although I did hear complaints about the firmer seating being less comfortable from some people.

[Can the Man]

Kenny, I sympathise with you, I have been that soldier like you with my grandson who was only an infant, but had an ignoramus in the seat in front who decided to set the seat back right in on top of us where we had a 3 month old baby.

I got my own back by putting my knees up into the seat back and kept kicking and pushing all the way to Fuerte. F#*k them.

[woe10]

Caleta de Fuste is full of these screaming, un-supervised kids. The Hotel pools are filled with screaming kids from hell 
Easter and Summer Holidays are definately NOT a good time to come here if you are a couple. If you have booked, cancel it, and come out when they're back at school. A lot of places are closing in August anyway. Some places have closed for Easter.

MacDonalds have a lot to answer for. Happy Meals send them LOOPY 

[peggy]

I know how you feel KWC. We flew back with Monarch in February and it was a nightmare. Rather large lady sat in front with the the seat right back and screaming kids at the back kicking h... out of me. We foolishly asked the kids to please stop kicking and got a mouthful of abuse from the mother. Only flew with Monarch because the flight time was good but......never again.

[emmi]

Caleta de Fuste is full of these screaming, un-supervised kids. The Hotel pools are filled with screaming kids from hell 

I think they all must have been on my flight back here last week.  They did not stop screaming for the entire journey, and there did not seem to be any supervision or calming of them by the parents.  The flight was diverted to Faro,Portugal, because one of the kids vomited and the mother thought it needed medical attention. That added another two hours to the journey from hell!! It was an EasyJet flight, so at least there was not the reclining seat issue!

[woe10]

The Parents are half the problem. They're not allowed to discipline them since do-gooder left wing nutters took over the UK some 10 - 15 years ago. So they just let them do what they want, while they sit in the Pool Bar getting sloshed on cheap All Inclusive gut rot. 

[peggy]

I agee with you Woe10. A good short slap never hurt my generation. (and i'm not an old fogey).  I think some parents leave their sense of responsiblity at the front door when they leave for he airport and others just don't care. 

[isleswing]

I wonder whether it would be physically possible to wedge a walking stick between your seat and the back of the recliner in front, like a pit-prop?
It would have to be an adjustable one. It would cut in to your own space a bit, but at least you've stopped them laying back. Cabin crew may whinge, though.
Also, it could possibly fit upright between your seat and the next, to stop the FB beside you overflowing the armrest.

We always end up on Easyjet's fixed seats nowadays, so it's not a problem for us now, but I used to just force the seat back upright with my knees if they leaned back. They always gave up after about  3 or 4 attempts.

[KWC]

Never thought of kneeing it back tbh.
Might do that next time if it a frail old person and not a big strapping 6ft plus rugby player 

[zedzedeleven]

Here you are, http://www.gadgetduck.com/goods/kneedefender.html  problem solved.

[fatboab]

I still have nightmares about a 10 hour KLM flight from Schipol to Jan Smuts about 9 years ago. Sat in steerage with the family,  and everyone of the  Germans in the row in front reclined their seats like dentists as soon as we were airborne. Only time they were upright was during meal service. Got my own back in a small way as I managed to leave a substantial "brown air biscuit" in the loo for the annoying cryan aunts. (Apologies to Rev Spooner)

[Can the Man]

Here you are, http://www.gadgetduck.com/goods/kneedefender.html  problem solved.

Thanks ZZ11, I'm going to get me a set of them, also going to get the scanner bag, really clever ideas.

[KWC]

Here you are, http://www.gadgetduck.com/goods/kneedefender.html  problem solved.

Thanks for that link Zed, they look the biz and if I thought the recliners were not going to be done away with for short hauls flights, I would buy a set. 

[SoCal]

MacDonalds have a lot to answer for. Happy Meals send them LOOPY 

A recent double blind study of kids given sugar or a placebo showed that there is no statistical evidence to support the argument that excess sugar makes the kids hyperactive, i.e.,loopy, or any more loopy than they normally are. And what is more amusing is that the addendum study on parents did show that a parent, when told that his or her kid had been given the excess sugar were more likely to say the kid was hyperactive.

But I do agree with your comment about Easter break. My apartment complex is overwhelmed with young screaming and running kids.  And what ever place on the beach I choose I still hear them.   Do they go home Sunday?

[Windermeregolfer]

This thread has got on to be about screaming kids and as a retired hotelier I can re-count many tales of out of control children, however I agree with many of you it is the parents that are at fault for not disciplining them and not considering others around them.

Like SoCal this weekend has been a nightmare with kids running round the grounds at the hotel next to my house in the Lakes running riots and disturbing the peace, thankfully as Easter is late this year I think they return to school in the next few days.

When we next come to the Island we will be looking  for a property however our search may be limited as this subject of noisy kids, may be older ones with a few scoops inside them as well as the younger ones, in holiday lets next door will have to be considered.

SoCal let the peace return soon so you can continue with your great posts on here, you are making me very jealous.

[SoCal]

SoCal let the peace return soon so you can continue with your great posts on here, you are making me very jealous.

Thank you. In truth, I really like kids and get along with them very well. But everything in proper context. Usually the island is very quiet. For me, this weekend was unexpected.

Hope to add something constructive soon. .... which I hope I did. See Corralejo reviews of Chablis.

[RVEEE]

Even worse are the seat-twangers.

Usually a fat lady who sits behind me but needs to stand up 10 times during the flight, usually to go to the loo. In order to raise her lardy opening at the lower end of the alimentary canal through which solid waste is eliminated from the body, she chooses to grab hold of the back of my seat and heave down on it, bending the entire thing. Having hauled her bulk into a vertical position, she releases my seat, catapulting me and my cup of coffee forwards several inches.

This process is duplicated when she returns, of course.

[Can the Man]

Even worse are the seat-twangers.

Usually a fat lady who sits behind me but needs to stand up 10 times during the flight, usually to go to the loo. In order to raise her lardy opening at the lower end of the alimentary canal through which solid waste is eliminated from the body, she chooses to grab hold of the back of my seat and heave down on it, bending the entire thing. Having hauled her bulk into a vertical position, she releases my seat, catapulting me and my cup of coffee forwards several inches.

This process is duplicated when she returns, of course.

Oh Rveee how right you are, I have experienced this so many times.

[superkev61]

I remember coming back from fuerte a few years ago and we were sat in row 2. Row 1 had extra legroom seats. In front was a half p1ssed Scotsman, his miserable mrs and a brat of a child. Half way home the brat decides it wants its chair back to which my wife promptly pushed the chair back up. All hell stated breaking loose with mr drunk saying his brat needed the chair back to rest. However my wife is made of stern stuff and told him to bugger off as the brat had more than enough room and shouldn't have been in the extra leg room seats to start with. I honestly thought we were going to come to blows. He even gave the stewardess a hard time swearing at her which showed what sort of person he was. We've had major turbulence, a nose diving plane etc etc but nothing was as bad as that tortuous flight home.

[SoCal]

KWC - reread your review and laughed again. Tried to hit the thank you button. Apparently the software lets me thank a person only once.

[KWC]

KWC - reread your review and laughed again. Tried to hit the thank you button. Apparently the software lets me thank a person only once.

Cheers SoCal lol.

I had a chuckle when I wrote it too, and I was there.  TBH it wasn't that funny at the time, but hey, Im still alive and I can look back and laugh.