Human Rights

[Windermeregolfer]

Officer Test
How do you tell the difference between an British  Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?
Consider this test scenario.
QUESTION:  You're a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it.  However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?
ANSWERS:
British Police  Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.
1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
5) Am I dressed provocatively?
6) Could I run away?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?
Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?
9)  Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? 
13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?

Australian Police  Officer:
BANG !
American Police  Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
'Click'...Reload... BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
Glasgow Police  Officer:
"Haw, Jimmie....!  Drop the wee knifie reight noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer opening at the lower end of the alimentary canal through which solid waste is eliminated from the body!"