Questions That Haunt Me

[Keith Dean]

Have a little chuckle at these: -







How important does a person have to be before they are

considered

assassinated instead of just murdered?





Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck

wearing the clothes you were buried

in for eternity?



Why does a round pizza come in a square

box?



What disease did cured ham actually have?



How is it that we put man on the moon before we

figured out it would be a

good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why is it that people say they

'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like

every two hours?



Why are you IN a movie, but you're

ON TV?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars

to look at

things on the ground?



Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

They're going to see you

naked anyway...



Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?



Why do toasters always have a setting

that burns the toast to a horrible

crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



If Jimmy cracks

corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?



Why does Goofy stand erect while

Pluto remains on all fours? They're both

dogs!



If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is

made from vegetables,

what is baby oil made from?



Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little

Star have the same tune?



Why did you just try singing the two songs above?



Did you ever notice

that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,

but when you take him for a car ride, he

sticks his head out the window?



Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know

the

batteries are getting dead?



Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know

there is

not enough money?



Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,

but

check when you say the paint is wet?



Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal

injection?



Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?



Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but

ducks when you throw a

revolver at him?



Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?



If people evolved

from apes, why are there still apes?



Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the

bubbles are

always white?



Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?



Why do people

constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that

something new to eat will have materialized?





Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum

cleaner, then reach down,

pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give

the vacuum one more chance?



Why is it that no

plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?



How do those dead bugs get into those

enclosed light fixtures?



Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off



the table you always manage to knock something else over?



In winter why do we try to keep the

house as warm as it was in summer when

we complained about the heat?



How come you never hear

father-in-law jokes?



And my



FAVORITE......... 



The statistics on sanity is that one out of

every four persons is suffering

from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends

-- if

they're okay, then it's you.