A few to be going on with

[fatherted]

I got a new stick deodorant today the instructions said: Remove cap and
push up bottom
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely

25% of Women in the world are taking medication for mental illness That
is scary as f**k!
That means 75% of Women aren't medicated!!!

Statistics say 20% of us live next door to a paedophile.
Not me,
I live next door to a stunning 14 year old with a tight opening at the lower end of the alimentary canal through which solid waste is eliminated from the body and
cracking tits!

I keep thinking i'm swimming through an orange ocean full of bubbles....
its just a Fanta sea.

Bloke waiting on a bone marrow transplant hears there is a donor in
Argentina!
The operation goes ahead and is successful so the bloke decides to write
to him to thank him.
He starts the letter...

"Dear Diego marrow donor"

I was down the gym this morning, when I noticed a hole in my trainer
just big enough to get my finger in.
Anyway, she has made a formal complaint and I am barred for life.

Usain Bolt goes to a golf club and the man at reception says, "Sorry
sir, we dont let black people play here. There's another club 10 minutes
down the road that might help."
"But I'm Usain Bolt!" he says.
"Alright then, clever c--t 3 minutes down the road, now f--k off!"