How to give a cat a pill

[TamaraEnLaPlaya]

1. Pick up the cat mind cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill. Take new pill from
foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold
mouth shut for a count of ten.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse in from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly
with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler
and rub cats throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head
just visible below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw; force cat's
mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to
take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from the carpet with soap and water.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer.

Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave the head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.

10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek
and check date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to
disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one
from bedroom. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the flipping cat from tree
across the road.

11. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. Tie the little *@*!! front paws to
rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table.
Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large
piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it Hold head vertical and pour 2
pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.

12. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit
quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your
eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

13. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet
shop to see whether they have any hamsters.
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How to give a dog a pill.

Wrap it in bacon.

[spitfire58]

Hilarious Tamara & so so true, lol.
Reminds me of anytime we have to give our fleabag anything !!