1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. My neighbour's 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
5. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
6. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.....Is that not 150%
7. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
8. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces....Must be the same people who complained about their wall tiles. No 6
9. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6.am his male bird wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
10.The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
11. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
12. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
13.I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have had no satisfaction, can you send someone else to satisfy my needs
14.My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
15. One of your workmen has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.