A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . . .It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching ba##s!
A Muslim has died whilst training to be a skydiver. The BNP School of Diving said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers did not open.
Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50 a minute (charges may vary).
Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife.
Bound to end in tears though; she's number two at snooker.
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!
Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area. I've called him Bradford.
If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine 'flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.